Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
