He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
