when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
