So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
