Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
