I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
