Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
