I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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