Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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