my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
