We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
