It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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