one might say we're banned from that church
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
