would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
