there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
