the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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