Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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