Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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