I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
