Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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