I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
