You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
