Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
