I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
