omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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