I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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