Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
