I didn't shave. On purpose
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
