Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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