That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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