I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
