Can Purell be used as lube?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
