Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
