so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
