The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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