The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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