i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
