In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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