Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
