I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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