my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
