For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
