Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
