there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
