I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
