just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
