So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
