what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
