Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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