he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
