you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
