today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
