Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
