you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
