she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
