Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
