So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
