then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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